hating it.

i hate it when i get really wooped up about stuff that im not suppose to.
but im that way because it seems that thats the situation. but actually not.
i hate it when i get hurt when im not suppose to.
sometimes, i want people to know that im hurt. and sad.
but some people just dont realize and sometimes i cant just tell the person
that im hurt. it wouldnt be right.
why am i feeling this way when im actually not in a position where i can?
it seems like i am but no. and sometimes, i just cant help it.
it really sucks. i get emotinal. i cry. i start thinking and wondering.
how long must i be in this stage cause i dont think i can stay any longer.
is it a sign that i must wait? be more patient? or to move on?
its really hard for me to figure out. and the worse part is that.
when im hurt, angry. i cant show it. cause to other people,
im just over reacting for no reason. but there is a reason.
but to me, a very stupid reason. i try many times to forget about
that fcking reason. and just act normal, act as if im feeling fine.
when do i actually will find the answer and go one more step ahead of this?
im waiting and waiting. but nothing ever comes. and whenever i think of moving on,
i cant. cause somehow, i dont want to. and thats pretty much the whole problem.


-Joey. 16/1/10.